Overcoming ‘the creep’ that puts our dreams and goals on hold

Author, speaker, and presidential pickup game basketball player Ben Nemtin makes a return visit to the Journal of Accountancy podcast. Four years after his first appearance, he’s focused these days on the impact of purpose on longevity, well-being, and employee engagement.

As the keynote speaker June 9 at AICPA & CIMA ENGAGE 25, Nemtin will share about the road trip with friends he took nearly 20 years ago that spawned a book, a reality show, and the accomplishment of so many lofty goals. In this episode, Nemtin updates listeners on the status of his bucket list and explains why taking just 15 minutes to focus on one goal can be beneficial.

Note: Early-bird registration for ENGAGE ends Thursday.

What you’ll learn from this episode:

• A refresher on the concept of The Buried Life.
• Nemtin’s focus on “energy-driven living.”
• Addressing the notion that it’s selfish to focus on personal well-being.
• The value of connecting to purpose – for individuals and organizations.
• Three ways to maintain accountability when it comes to setting and reaching goals.

Play the episode below or read the edited transcript:

— To comment on this episode or to suggest an idea for another episode, contact Neil Amato at Neil.Amato@aicpa-cima.com.

Transcript

Neil Amato: Ben Nemtin is giving the keynote address at AICPA & CIMA ENGAGE 25 in Las Vegas, and he’s on the Journal of Accountancy podcast with me, the JofA’s Neil Amato. He’s a repeat guest, about four years after his first appearance on the podcast. Ben, welcome back. How are you?

Ben Nemtin: Thank you, Neil. It’s good to be back. I’m feeling great. I’m about four years wiser. I’ve come back with some extra wisdom, and I’m excited to talk about the things that I’ve been up to as well as what I’m going to be speaking about at ENGAGE.

Amato: Yeah, you definitely you stole my “four years wiser” line because I was going to ask. We will link to that 2021 conversation in the show notes. We’ll also link to the ENGAGE registration page and the agenda. But how are we going to top that 2021 conversation? I really look back fondly on it and remember it.

Nemtin: I appreciate that. I think that’s what you want. All you can ask for as a speaker is that the message resonates and it sticks with the audience past the closing of the ballroom after the event, and so it’s great to hear that resonated with you. I think the great thing about this message is that it’s a reminder that we all need.

I’ve had people see this keynote four or five times, and each time they learn something new, and it’s a reminder of this, almost like this creep that happens in our lives, where we get buried by the day-to-day and we lose sight of what’s truly important. This is a reminder of what’s truly important so that you can keep that top of mind and move toward those things so you can be the best version of yourself and ultimately the happiest and ultimately be able to serve your clients at the highest level.

On top of that, I have learned some new things in the past four years. I’ve been doing a lot of digging into the research around purpose and the impacts that purpose has on longevity, on well-being, on resilience and your ability to overcome challenges and stress, on engagement in the workplace. I call this energy-driven living, following your energy.

The definition of happiness is the feeling you have when you’re moving toward your potential and moving toward your purpose. But you might ask, well, what is my purpose? How do I move toward my potential or my purpose? My answer to that is it’s not something that you can think your way to, it’s something you feel your way to. You follow your energy and you follow feelings toward your sense of purpose, and that means doing the things that make you feel more alive, make you feel more like yourself, give you energy, the things that you’re curious about.

And if you follow those things, you are moving toward your potential and your purpose. There are a lot of benefits that come from that. Not only are you more productive at work. If you spend 15 minutes on something you love outside of work, you’re more than 15 minutes more productive, but you get a life force from doing those things, and you’re able to deploy that energy in every aspect of your life and so you become more impactful as a CPA if you take time to do the things you love outside of work.

A lot of research around purpose, which has been really fascinating, and my story has also just developed in the past four years. Getting closer to crossing off a few list items like go to space next year, start a family. I’m having my first child in August.

Amato: Congratulations.

Nemtin: Thank you, and moving toward finishing the documentary film, which has been a long journey, but it has been a great road of really following that purpose because that’s what we started Buried Life, 18 years ago, to do is to make a film, so I’m excited to finish that film. That’s what’s been going on since 2021.

Amato: That’s quite a few things. I want to get back to the 15-minute notion that you mentioned in a little bit. But I guess, first, I will ask because you’ve used that word “buried,” that phrase, “the buried life.” For people who maybe don’t know the concept, what’s the background on the poem where it’s found, and also just the concept of “The Buried Life”?

Nemtin: The poem inspired the journey that my friends and I went on, and we started in 2006, to hit the road to accomplish our buried dreams — our bucket list. It was inspired by a poem called The Buried Life that was written 150 years ago by an old English poet named Matthew Arnold, who talked about this experience that he had, which was that the day-to-day buried what we truly wanted to do. We had these moments when we were inspired to go after those things, but life got in the way.

At that time in our lives, when we started this project in 2006, we felt that way. We felt buried by the day-to-day. We felt like we had never taken any action toward any of our dreams. We knew what they were, but we had never actually tried to go after any of them, so we decided to make a list of these dreams and just hit the road for two weeks and try and accomplish as many as we could. Then we thought that we would help other people achieve their dreams.

We would ask strangers this question, “What do you want to do before you die?” If we could help them do that thing, then we would. That was the goal, and that was supposed to just be a two-week road trip where we hit the road, we accomplished some bucket list items, we helped some people achieve their bucket list items, and we made a short film, and we showed it to our friends, and then we went back to school.

But what happened, which was unexpected, is that people heard about this journey and they wanted to help, and people started sending us emails saying, hey, I saw your bucket list on your website. I can help you cross off, ride a bull, or get up on a hot air balloon. Then people sent us their dreams asking for our help. We got overwhelmed by the response, and all of a sudden, it was international news. People around the world were sending us emails offering help, sending us their dreams.

We just decided to keep this road trip going, and that two-week road trip ended up lasting over 10 years. The biggest dreams that we’d written on the list that we thought there was no way we would ever achieve these things, they slowly started to fall off the list, and then we started having these incredible moments with strangers when we helped them achieve their dreams. This was a two-week road trip that spanned, in reality, a decade plus. That was all sparked by this poem called The Buried Life, which articulated this human condition that we tend to bury our dreams.

But the problem with burying your dreams is they never go away. It’s like a pilot light that never really goes out. The reason why I know that is because if you look at the research of it — and if you look at palliative care, nurses and books they’ve written, the top five regrets of the dying — on our deathbed, the biggest regret we have is not living for me. It’s living for other people or living the life that is expected of me and not acting on those goals, those hopes, those dreams.

I think it’s truly important to act on them and to pursue them. At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter if you achieve them or not because it’s about the pursuit and it’s about trying, so you don’t have that regret at the end of your life. By trying, you are checking that box of happiness, which is moving toward your potential, moving toward your purpose, moving toward your true self. Really, it’s just a journey of self-discovery, of trying these things and seeing if they make you feel more alive and following that energy and doing more of those things. That’s where you will be led to incredible things if you continue to follow that enthusiasm.

Amato: In 2006, it’s Ben, it’s Dave, it’s Jonnie, and Duncan. Jonnie and Duncan are brothers. Dave is your friend, you’re friends with all of them. But again, that was 2006. This is 2025. How do you continue to live for yourself in that, “Hey, I’m more of an adult now than I was in 2006”? You mentioned impending fatherhood, for instance.

Nemtin: It’s a great question because, as you grow, your priorities change, but I think the principles actually stay the same. Because the big idea is that you can’t take care of those around you if you don’t take care of yourself. What does that mean?

Well, that means something completely different to each and every one of us. It could be prioritizing time for that one yoga class a week. It could be prioritizing time for that art class or the violin lesson that you have that you love or the time for the pickup basketball game you have with your friends or that trip once a year that you do with the family or the extended family or what is important to you that fuels you. And know that by doing that, you are going to be able to show up for those around you more. You are going to be fueled to be able to be a better husband, wife, father, mother, friend, CPA, boss, etc.

Because what you’re doing is coming back to your authentic self, and you’re able to then unlock these gifts that only you have by being your true self, and that’s when you make your biggest impact. I think first is reversing some of this narrative that it’s selfish to do these things, because I believe it’s actually service. As long as your basic needs are met and you’re taking care of the people around you that you need to take care of — but you really have to take care of yourself. It’s not minimizing these things, it’s actually protecting time to do these things because they’re going to enable you to be able to take care of others.

Amato: What about the concept that we’ve just hit on it? But people think they need permission to go after things that are important to them. I’m not talking about one yoga class a week, but if they, I don’t know, have the dream to ride a hot air balloon in all 50 states or something like that. But that whole concept of permission, people think they need it to carve out time for themselves.

Nemtin: I think it’s a common feeling. My goal is to give people permission by connecting it to their well-being, to connecting it to their performance as a CPA, connecting to their ability to serve and take care of their family, by connecting to their future self, so they don’t regret not doing these things at the end of their life.

Looking at the science, really the science of energy-driven living, you’re two times more likely to live longer if you are purpose-driven. You bounce back from illness quicker. You’re five times happier at work if you are able to connect to purpose. That means as a CPA, connecting to the impact you’re having on the human beings you are serving.

How does the work you do impact them, make their life easier as a partner? How are you able to imagine and visualize this ripple effect that you’re creating that it’s more than just the numbers? This is about a human being. If you’re able to come back to that ripple effect and the impact, you’re really going to increase your happiness at work.

You’re also going to be 125% more productive. Your business will grow three times faster. Purpose-driven companies grow three times faster. Most importantly, you’re going to be seven times more likely to overcome a challenge. If you come back to why am I doing this instead of how.

On the work side, I think there’s a big impact when you connect to purpose, and then on the personal side, you recover from stress, you maintain brain health, you protect your mental health, and people that have a sense of purpose report higher life satisfaction. It’s a huge, massive impact on your well-being, on your longevity, on your health, on your work, and your happiness.

Amato: What would you say are two or three accountability pieces of advice you can offer? You said in 2021, to “create some accountability around these personal goals.” How can people get that structure in their lives so that they can not have those regrets at the end of their lives?

Nemtin: I think you nailed it. It is all about accountability because the problem that we have with these personal dreams is that there are no deadlines. We need to create accountability to solve for that. That means a few things.

No. 1, write down your goals. Write your list because by writing down your goals, what you do is you are creating a bit of accountability. You’re taking an idea that doesn’t exist and all of a sudden it’s real. You’re taking something that’s intangible and making it tangible. That actually is a small step of accountability because now you have a reminder that these dreams exist.

The second thing is talk about your goals, share your dreams because then you feel accountable to the people you shared them with. If I say on this podcast, “My dream is to make a documentary.” I’m going to feel a little bit more accountable because I’ve shared it with a bunch of people, and if you share a goal with someone else, you bump into them and say, “Hey, how’s that going?” You’re going to feel, I better continue to move toward this. They’re going to ask me about it. You can use that thing that holds you back, this fear of what other people think, and use it to your benefit by pushing you forward when you share your dreams.

The best form of accountability is an accountability buddy, where you are checking in with them or they’re checking in with you down the line. You have these regular check-ins, just like a leader or boss would have a one-on-one meeting with you once a month or whatever. The workplace, all we have are layers of accountability because they work.

How can you insert the same type of accountability around your personal goals: writing them down, sharing them, enrolling in accountability, or do the goal with that person, training for a marathon with someone else, plan a trip with someone else. You’re more likely to follow through. Those are the three easy things that you can do to create accountability.

Amato: That’s great. Now, obviously, we all have work to do, jobs, other commitments, but how can that notion of just 15 minutes in certain pockets, even if it’s just, hey, I’m going to look up travel for my next trip and spend 15 minutes on it, how can that make a difference in helping you accomplish goals?

Nemtin: It’s huge. I’m a big advocate of this idea that action compounds like interest. Every small action you do over time will compound, and you’ll make more progress than you think. You may not feel like you’re moving forward. Just like when you go to the gym, you walk into the gym for the first time you come out, you actually feel worse because you feel sore.

But do you notice? Are you bigger? Have you gained muscle? No, you don’t notice. Do you notice the second time? No. Third time? No. Fourth, fifth, sixth — maybe then you start to see the reward, but it takes time, and then you start to see this real change. It’s just like small deposits into a compounding interest account. In the beginning, doesn’t seem like much, but over time, it starts to grow exponentially. It’s sustained with action and your trajectory toward your goal.

I’m a big advocate of the easiest step, the smallest step that you can take to start to move toward the goal, but also what you’re doing is you’re creating inspiration through action. Instead of waiting to feel inspired, which was one of the main reasons why we don’t achieve our goals is because we’re waiting for the perfect time or we’re waiting for inspiration. We create inspiration through action. Then we follow that inspiration. Just like I said, follow that energy, follow the enthusiasm.

Fifteen minutes, if you say you’re too busy, actually it’s a perfect reason why you have to do it because you’re going to get time back in your day by spending 15 minutes on something that you love. You can reverse that narrative, and then you can also know that even if you don’t think 15 minutes is going to actually make any difference. It’s like, well, what’s 15 minutes going to do? Well, you add those 15 minutes up over time and they are going to add up. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself to have to make a huge leap toward a goal or achieve the goal in one giant step. Just take tiny little steps, and you’ll make more progress than you think.

Amato: The theme of ENGAGE 25, again, coming up in June in Las Vegas, is “everyone’s connected.” I don’t know if you could address that concept of “everyone’s connected” as you think about a closing thought and a message to our accounting membership before you show up on stage.

Nemtin: Well, I think one is just that everyone is connected because we all have dreams, and we all have buried dreams. There’s no coincidence that this poem was written 175 years ago by a 50-year-old man in England, and we all feel that same feeling today.

In fact, if the poet felt buried in 1852, now, with the pace of life, with all the uncertainty, with everything going on around the world, we are more buried now than ever, which is why it’s so important to stop and think about what’s important to you.

Because we all have these things that we dream of doing that we have put off. It’s human nature. That means that we all are connected in this way, so that when we ask someone, “Hey, what’s on your bucket list? What’s your dream?”, it’s a great way to connect. That’s how we’re all connected.

I would encourage you as you start to move into planning and traveling to Vegas. I’m going to be talking about this is, when you get there, share your dreams. Of course, share your professional dreams because you are here to work together to be the best CPAs that we can be, but we’re also here to be the best human beings that we can be.

That means helping one another. That’s what ENGAGE is about, helping one another grow professionally and personally. Share your dreams, help one another, connect around those. Just by sharing them, you’re going to move toward your goal because you’re going to build accountability, and you’re going to give other people the chance to help.

Amato: I think that’s great advice. Ben Nemtin, thank you very much for being on the JofA podcast.

Nemtin: Thanks for having me back. We’ll see you in Vegas.