Helping clients communicate their estate planning intentions

With client relationships that may span decades and generations, CPA financial planners are in a unique position to assist clients with not only creating and implementing their estate plans but also with ensuring that their wishes and intentions are communicated thoughtfully and clearly to the next generation. While every family and situation will have its own dynamics and challenges, here are the primary considerations that clients should think through as they bring their family members and other heirs on board with their plans.

Deciding when to share

Some clients may never wish to tell their families anything, leaving it up to their attorney or executor to share the news, while others may want input on every aspect of their plan from their heirs. However, most clients are somewhere in the middle — they want to make sure their plans don’t unintentionally cause a rift among heirs, but they also want to avoid difficult conversations or feeling like children or grandchildren are angling for a bigger share of the pie or an earlier inheritance.

That said, the timing of the conversation will depend on how much input the client truly desires from children and other heirs. For example, when selecting administrative roles such as executor and powers of attorney, a client should consider initiating a conversation with the person or people they are contemplating naming, to ensure that the person is able and willing to fulfill the role. This also applies when a minor or special-needs person is involved and decisions about caretakers and custodianship are needed.

In situations where assets won’t be distributed immediately or there will be unequal distributions or timing of distributions, a thoughtful conversation on the options ahead of time may defuse future confusion, resentment, or other hurt feelings. A common scenario involves a family member who struggles with addiction. The general advice is to keep that person’s inheritance under the control of a trust out of a desire to “save them from themselves,” but depending on how much time has passed from the plan’s finalization to the grantor’s passing, the family member in question may have made drastic improvements to their life. A conversation with the person, under the right circumstances, may help them to understand why — and perhaps will induce them to seek help in a more earnest way because they are aware of the concerns and plans ahead of time, rather than finding out only upon the client’s death.

Regardless of whether plans are being communicated before or after the plan is signed into being, the most important thing is to choose a good time to engage in the conversation rather than spontaneously mentioning it while out for dinner or on a fishing trip. Many clients schedule a family meeting that includes the presence of their attorney or CPA, who can be on hand to answer questions and provide a sense of formality, which may stave off outbursts or other behaviors that clients wish to avoid with family members.

It’s also a best practice to ensure that the plan is communicated to either all potential heirs or none at all — letting some children in on the plan while others remain in the dark is a sure way to cause resentment and compromised relationships, regardless of how fair the plan ends up being.

How much to share?

Deciding how specific to get with numbers will be an individual decision and may largely be based on the anticipated time frame of an inheritance. Unfortunately, these conversations are sometimes triggered by a tragic diagnosis, in which case the client may wish to share all their numbers and information right away.

On the other hand, a client who is preparing their estate plan as part of their overall retirement preparation and has hopes of enjoying years or even decades more of life may decide just to let heirs know how things will be divided and who will fulfill what role. Clients often fear a campaign for an earlier inheritance from a wayward child or wish to avoid scrutiny over spending decisions during their golden years; in that case, the client will likely avoid specifics and instead just assure that a plan is in place and that things will be split equitably.

Accessing critical documents

Most important is making sure that surviving family members and powers of attorney know where to find pertinent information once the client’s plan becomes relevant, upon either their incapacity or death. This could be as simple as making sure everyone has the name and contact information of the CPA financial planner, attorney, or other professional who maintains the documents and specifics on all other assets and account information. Other clients may wish to provide copies of all relevant information ahead of time to their heirs as a backup to keeping the originals in a secure, off-site location.

Either way, practitioners should also help clients make a plan to communicate any updates or changes to information as time passes. At least once a year, clients should be checking to make sure any informational documents are up to date and complete, including details such as passwords to social media accounts, home security systems, and other logistical areas of a client’s life.

Why share at all?

Clients may feel like their estate planning decisions are nobody’s business but their own, or they may think communication is unnecessary due to a straightforward distribution plan. However, even the seemingly clearest plans may leave inheritors scratching their heads if the details or existence of a plan remains a secret until death. Providing assurance that a plan is at least in place can alleviate stress and provide some comfort to family members who may wonder if they will be left with a mess to clean up (see “Broaching Estate Planning With Aging Parents,” JofA, May 19, 2025).

If a client is reluctant to share any details beyond the bare existence of a plan due to fears discussed earlier, at a minimum, it can be a helpful suggestion to have the client draft what’s called an ethical will. This can be as simple as a heartfelt letter to be shared after the client passes, where the client has one final opportunity to explain their reasons for any unusual decisions with their plan or to let inheritors know what values they hope their legacy will continue to embody. While not a legal document, an ethical will is another way that a client can share their thoughts and plans with heirs, and it provides a means to do so without the fear of pushback or witnessing an emotional response.

For more on this topic, listen to the AICPA Personal Financial Planning Section podcast episode “How to Talk to Your Kids About Your Estate Plan.” PFP Section members can also watch the video “Helping Clients Preserve Family Unity in the Wealth Transfer Process.”

— Kelley C. Long, CPA/PFS, CFP, is a personal financial coach and consultant in Arizona. To comment on this article or to suggest an idea for another article, contact Dave Strausfeld at David.Strausfeld@aicpa-cima.com.